


Not How Things Should End

by CaliKayeTylers



Category: the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Flashbacks, Loss, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24505933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliKayeTylers/pseuds/CaliKayeTylers
Summary: At what is to be their last live, Kai reflects back on points of his life.
Relationships: Kai/Uruha (the GazettE)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Not How Things Should End

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure why I felt like writing something so sad, but here it is.

How had this happened? Was this really how things were supposed to end? He’d always believed that one day they would decide together that it was time to retire the band. They’d make announcements and finish with the biggest live they’d ever dared to dream of, but this… This was not the way any of them had imagined it. Twenty-two years wasn’t enough for any of them to be satisfied. 

One drumstick slid from his grip, clattering through the drumset as the music abruptly came to a halt and Kai leaned over the snare drum, burying his face in his arms. He couldn’t do this. It wasn’t fair. His heart hurt so badly it felt like he couldn’t breathe and the tears that fell onto his arms were burning hot. This was all too much. This was a final goodbye and he wasn’t ready. As memories flashed through his mind, Kai knew he'd never be ready. 

*******

_ "Kinda forgetful, aren't ya?" _

_ Kai looked up from tightening a connector on his cheap drum set to see his drumsticks waving in front of his face. The lead guitarist of the band he was trying out for, Uruha, was smiling as he tried to hand them over. He must have left the sticks in the apartment where he'd been interviewed. He took them, a shy smile on his own face.  _

_ "I am sometimes. Too much going on in my head. It won't be a problem for your band though, I promise." _

_ Uruha grinned, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "Don't worry so much. I'll tell you a secret okay?" Kai nodded and the guitarist bent down beside him. "This is just a formality; the audition. Ruki says you're already in. So don't stress. You're going to do great." _

_ Kai could feel himself blushing as the guitarist bumped a bony shoulder against his own. Uruha's smile was so infectious that it was impossible for him not to be drawn to the other man. He hadn't known the feeling building in his chest was what falling in love felt like. _

*******

_ “Thanks so much for tonight, Kai. This made turning twenty-five more bearable.” Reita said as he opened the front door of Kai’s apartment. They’d all been so busy lately but they’d been allowed a few days for a small break between lives and the rest of them had decided Reita deserved a birthday party. Kai had gladly hosted the party knowing he’d try to be in charge no matter where they held it, so it was easier this way.  _

_ “You’re welcome, Rei. I’m glad you had a good day. Go home and rest up. One more day before we leave again.”  _

_ Reita squeezed his shoulder a moment before following Ruki and Aoi to the rhythm guitarist’s car. Kai shut the door and headed back into his living room. Uruha was still there picking up paper dishes and decorations. His hair was still styled from a photoshoot he’d rushed from to be here, his eyes still made up with dark makeup. He looked especially beautiful tonight but Kai figured it was because Uruha was always smiling when they were all together.  _

_ “Ruha, you don’t have to do this. I can clean up. You should go home and rest.” He said, attempting to take a stack of cups from the other’s hands.  _

_ Uruha grinned and shook his head. “You’ve done all the work. I don’t mind staying.” He paused, his eyes widening a bit. “To help, of course. Then I’ll go.” _

_ Kai chuckled. It wasn’t as if he aneeded to point that out. “Okay, just this once I’ll accept help. Thank you.” _

_ He’d said just to help, but when it came time for Uruha to leave, he still seemed hesitant. Kai had opened the front door but Uruha stood just inside, leaning back against the door frame. It seemed to Kai like the guitarist was far off somewhere else, somewhere he was unable to reach, but suddenly those deep amber eyes were staring straight into his own. It left him feeling uneasy. _

_ “What are you looking at?” He asked, but Uruha only shook his head.  _

_ “I don’t wanna leave yet.” _

_ The drummer frowned but shrugged. “Well, I’m going to head to bed, but I guess you can hang out if you want. You know where everything is… so make yourself at home. Just lock the door when you decide to leave.” He said before closing the door and waving good night.  _

_ He was surprised when Uruha grabbed his hand. There was a question in the guitarist’s gaze that he couldn’t decipher.  _

_ “We… don’t get the chance to be alone very often. I thought maybe now that we were, you might have something you wanted to tell me.” Uruha said, his deep voice so soft it brushed at the inside of Kai’s ears like the wings of butterflies. “Isn’t there anything you want to tell me?” _

_ Kai found himself holding his breath. Uruha looked so… hopeful. He couldn’t possibly be asking what Kai thought he was though, right? His eyes caught the way Uruha’s teeth sunk into his full lower lip; he was nervous and that’s what finally had him making the decision to take a chance. He grabbed for Uruha’s other hand, holding them both into his own and took a deep breath.  _

_ “I’m not sure this is what you are asking for, Uruha, but there’s only one thing I’ve been wanting to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you since the day I first met you, actually.”  _

_ Uruha bent his head forward like he was having a hard time hearing. “Go on then. Tell me.”  _

_ He had to look away from those eyes that seemed to see straight through him. Could Uruha read all of his thoughts? Did he know his secrets? “Um, it’s just… Hell, I feel like I’m thirteen or something. Uruha, I like you, okay? I like you a lot. But you don’t have to worry. Nothing’s going to change and no one will find out. Please don’t treat me any differently because of this. I promise I won’t be weird about it.” _

_ The guitarist’s fingertips touched his cheek and Kai looked back at him. “You think too much. Maybe if you weren’t so busy trying to pretend you don’t like me, you would have seen that I like you too. I told myself I’d wait a while and see if you would confess to me but this is long enough. I don’t want to waste any more time skirting around this. If we like each other than isn’t it stupid to pretend we don’t?” _

_ Leave it to Uruha to be so straightforward and make things sound so uncomplicated. He was right though, even if Kai was having a hard time believing he’d just been confessed to. He hadn’t even been aware that Uruha had any interest in guys and now he was saying he’d liked him for a long time? It was too good to be true. _

_ Kai scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Are you sure? I mean, you obviously have known how I felt about you for a while now. Are you sure you aren’t just feeling guilty that you can’t reciprocate? That would make more sense.” _

_ Uruha rolled his eyes, the pad of his thumb brushing over Kai’s bottom lip. “Stop that. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure. So what do you say, would you wanna date me, Kai?” _

_ Uruha had left not much later. They hadn’t kissed, hadn’t touched, hadn’t pushed anything, and Kai was happy. They’d have all the time in the world now to figure things out together. _

_ ******* _

_ "I can't- I can't breathe…."  _

_ Uruha half laughed, half panted, his arms wrapping around Kai and holding him close to his heaving chest.  _

_ "Yeah, you take my breath away too."  _

_ Kai half-heartedly slapped at the guitarist's shoulder. He didn't have the energy to lift his head and glare at his boyfriend. Uruha's heartbeat was already returning to normal beneath his cheek but his own seemed to be marching towards its grave. He would never understand how Uruha cooled down so fast. Especially after a live, he would be tired but otherwise fine ten minutes after while Kai was laying on the ground for an hour thinking he should have arranged for a funeral beforehand.  _

_ This was okay though. If Uruha was going to lay there and hold him until he cooled off then it wasn't so bad. He winced as Uruha eased himself from his body, leaving him feeling empty but dated, and rolled them on to their sides.  _

_ "Why did we wait so long to do this?"  _

_ He chuckled as a kiss was pressed to his sweaty hair. That was a good question. They'd been together over a year now but it hadn't seemed imperative that they have sex. Sure, they'd messed around, heavy makeout sessions just about every place they went, but there had never been any pressure for more. Until tonight, Kai hadn't even realized they'd yet to actually have sex. It had struck them both as funny when he'd said it out loud. Uruha's nose had scrunched up, his eyes no longer visible with how hard he was laughing and Kai's heart had just about burst into a million happy pieces. He'd known in that second that it was time and now that they lay side by side on his sofa, he only knew one thing for sure. _

_ "I don't know, but it was worth the wait." _

_ Uruha hummed in agreement, one long leg coming up to rest on Kai's hip. "Well worth it. Next time we should switch." _

_ Kai jerked back, his eyes wide as he stared at Uruha's sleepy face. "Are you serious? You'd let me…" He trailed off. When Uruha had taken the initiative, he'd just assumed the guitarist was used to being on top. Would he really let Kai have him like that? Just the thought of sinking himself between those thighs was enough to have him hardening again.  _

_ Uruha smiled but didn't open his eyes. "Of course I would. Haven't you figured out that there's nothing I wouldn't give you?" That...sounded a lot like the start of- "I love you, Yutaka. I'd do anything for you." _

_ Kai's heart stopped beating, tears burning his eyes. This was so cliche and cheesy but he was so happy. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Uruha's cheek. "I love you too, Kouyou." _

_ Now Uruha's eyes finally opened, his gaze bright and happy despite how tired he was.  _ That's what love looks like,  _ Kai thought to himself.  _

_ "You're adorable when you're being sweet. You know that? No one would believe how evil you can be. That being said, if we switch, you're going to have to be a gentleman about it. Be careful with me." _

_ "And why is that?" He asked. Maybe Uruha had never been on the receiving end before. That would make sense why he'd be apprehensive. "Have you never done it before?" _

_ He scoffed. "No, I've done it before but not with someone like you." _

_ For a moment Kai was taken aback. What the hell did that even mean? Uruha must have sensed his defensive attitude because he giggled and his arms tightened around him.  _

_ "I mean nothing bad by that, Kai. Seriously. All I'm saying is I’m not the one they’re going to award for raising the average size for dicks in Japan.” _

_ Kai choked on an inhale and Uruha was having a good laugh at his expense. “You’re horrible! Why would you say something like that?!” _

_ “Aww, you’re even cuter when you’re embarrassed.” _

_ ******* _

_ Kai never yelled. He prided himself on being able to keep relatively calm even when he was pissed, but he’d had enough. “You aren’t listening to me! I can explain if you’d just listen!” _

_ Uruha turned around, anger making his cheeks red. “I’ve listened enough. Accusing me of cheating on you? I don’t have to stay here and listen to any more of it.”  _

_ “That’s not what I was doing! Uruha. Stop. You don’t need to leave!”  _

_ But the guitarist was out the door already, slamming it shut behind him.  _

_ Kai’s legs gave out and he sat on his knees there in front of the door. What the hell had just happened? All of this had been blown so far out of proportion. All because of a kiss. It wasn’t just a kiss to him though. It had ripped his heart into shreds watching Uruha make his way to Aoi’s side of the stage; watching him smile and laugh with the other guitarist before leaning over to press their lips together. It had only lasted a handful of seconds but Kai’s world had slowed to where it seemed like hours had passed. It seemed to him like this kiss was the beginning of the end for them.  _

_ Uruha had been spending so much time with Aoi lately and Kai had tried to keep a level head. They were bandmates; best friends, just like he was with Ruki, but this just seemed different. The less time they spent together the worse these feelings became and now he may have ruined everything. Why couldn’t Uruha understand where he was coming from though? He hadn’t accused him of cheating. He didn’t think Uruha was capable of doing that. At least not physically, but maybe he already harbored feelings for Aoi and now they were too strong to keep hidden. Whatever the case, Kai only wished that Uruha would talk to him instead of avoiding him.  _

_ The evening went by at a snail’s pace. Kai tried to distract himself by cleaning up the kitchen. He even took the time to make a loaf of Uruha’s favorite bread, with oats and cinnamon on top. Now he just needed his boyfriend to come back. Unfortunately, it was close to ten o’clock that evening before he heard a knock on the front door. Uruha was standing on the other side, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.  _

_ “Can we talk?”  _

_ Kai nodded, backing away so Uruha could come in. He waited until the guitarist was ready to talk, knowing if he tried to speak first things would come out all wrong.  _

_ It took a handful of minutes but Uruha finally met his gaze. “I’m sorry that I kissed him. I really am. I don’t want to make excuses but honestly, Kai, I was caught up in the moment. He is my friend. That’s all there is to it. You’re the only one I have any of those feelings for. You have to know that.” _

_ “Then why have you been spending so much time with Aoi and we barely even see each other outside of work? I’m not...trying to sound needy, but you know me. Things like this will make me worry. If you want to break up then just tell me and we’ll figure out how to be friends again. We have to talk about things.” _

_ Uruha looked confused and Kai could have sworn he saw something akin to fear in the other’s eyes. “Kai, no. I don’t want to break up with you. I’ll never want that. I haven’t been avoiding you purposely.” He said, rubbing at his shoulder nervously. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but I can see that the surprise isn’t worth keeping from you if it causes something like this. You see… I’ve been hanging out with Aoi a lot these past few weeks because he was helping me move.” _

_ Kai frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. “Move? You were moving without telling me?” _

_ “No, I was going to tell you once the apartment was ready and I had everything moved. I wanted it to be perfect before you saw it because I wanted you to see it and fall in love with it just like I did. I thought if you loved it then there would be no chance that you’d say no.” _

_ “Say no to what? Uruha please just tell me whatever it is you’re planning. I can’t handle this type of stress.” He admitted and the guitarist’s lips curved into a sad smile.  _

_ “I didn’t want you to be able to say no when I asked you to move in with me.” _

_ Kai’s arms dropped to his sides, his jaw to the floor. This really would have been a surprise. For a second he swayed on his feet but Uruha was there in an instant, leading him to the sofa to sit down.  _

_ “It’s okay. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out. I didn’t mean to shock you. After the way I’ve handled this, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to move in with me. I should have thought about how you’d react to us spending less time together with no obvious reason. Then that kiss happened and I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to get so out of hand.” _

_ "No. Ruha, just stop a second and let me think. Please." He could tell Uruha was on edge and he didn't want to make him suffer unnecessarily, but he had to think on this. Honestly the fact that Uruha had been thinking about this for a while now left him feeling light and happy but wasn't this a big move? "I'm sorry that I misunderstood about Aoi. But moving in together? That's an awfully big step. Are you sure you want to live with me full time? I know I can be...a handful." _

_ Uruha was grinning now, that excited flame back in his eyes. "Of course I do! Kai, if this damn country would get their head out of their asses I'd be asking you to marry me, not move in. So yes, I want to live with you. Please? Please come move in with me. I found the perfect place. It has huge windows with lots of natural light just like you've always wanted. And there's a giant tv where we can cuddle and watch movies at night. Plus a kitchen so big you'll need a map!" _

_ Kai couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriend's enthusiasm. "You're too good for me. You know that?" He hooked a hand behind Uruha's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "Come on, let's go see our new home." _

_ ******* _

_ “Kaiiiiii, you gotta wake up. We can’t waste even one minute of this day. And I’ve made breakfast. Come on baby, wake up.” _

_ Kai slapped Uruha’s hand away, rolling over and pulling the blankets up over his head. What was so special about today? Did Uruha just say he’d made breakfast?! Oh god, what had he done to the kitchen?!  _

_ “Ruha, I love you, but go away. I just wanna sleep for a while.” _

_ Arms and legs wrapped around him from behind and Uruha nuzzled the back of his neck. “I know you do, but this is the first time in years that we haven’t been on tour for your birthday and I don’t want to waste any time that we have.” _

_ Oooooh it was his birthday, that’s right.  _

_ It turned out Uruha hadn’t destroyed his kitchen and had indeed made a nice breakfast for them both. He’d also planned out their entire day and by the time they made it home that evening, Kai felt like the luckiest man on the planet. His boyfriend wasn’t finished though.  _

_ “I have one more surprise for you, but it’s going to take a little while to get everything together. So why don’t you relax a bit and wait here?” He said, pushing Kai to sit down on the sofa. Whatever Uruha had in mind, he couldn’t even begin to guess at. How could today possibly get any better? They’d had breakfast, gone shopping at all his favorite stores then met up with the rest of the band for lunch at a nice rooftop cafe. It was all too perfect. _

_ Kai spent the time while Uruha was busy scrolling through social media and reading all the fan’s comments to him. He wished he could reply to all of them but knowing that would be impossible, he made a short message for them to see, letting them all know how much he appreciated them and that they could rest assured that he’d enjoyed his birthday.  _

_ “Okay.” Uruha’s voice came from the hallway. “Don’t turn around. You gotta close your eyes. I know this is something you keep asking for and I figured since it’s your birthday, I’d give in. Are your eyes shut?” _

_ “I won’t peek.” He answered, listening as Uruha made his way around the sofa to stand in front of him. _

_ “You can open them now.”  _

_ As he opened his eyes, Kai was certain that he had died and gone to heaven. Uruha stood before him looking like a dream. He’d added extensions to his black hair, leaving it to fall over his shoulders, and his eyes had been done in a dark blue shadow. Kai couldn’t help but wonder what that shiny pink lip gloss would taste like. Around his neck was a black choker that stood out against his pale skin. The thin white t-shirt he wore was soft and barely clung to his shoulders, leaving those delectable collarbones on display. Kai couldn’t see if he was wearing anything beneath the long shirt but the black lace garters clinging to the front and back of his thighs made his mouth water. His gaze followed them to the tall black stockings before trailing back up to his face.  _

_ “You- You wore the outfit… You said you’d never wear it.” He whispered.  _

_ Uruha smiled, taking the few steps towards him before slipping onto his lap. “I did say that, but I also once said there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you, remember?” _

_ He did remember. If Uruha really meant that then maybe he could ask for one more present.  _

_ “Ruha...would you allow me to make one more wish for my birthday?” _

_ The guitarist’s head tilted to the side, his hands finding their way up under his chest. “Of course. Whatever you want.”  _

_ He really hoped that was true. “The one thing I want more than anything is to finally quit smoking. And...I want you to do it with me. I want to live with you for as many years as I possibly can and I don’t want to risk losing any of that time. Could you do this for me? Please?” _

_ At first, he believed his request would be denied. Uruha looked shocked then just plain confused. Kai stayed quiet, letting him think.  _

_ “I...I think I can do this for you, Kai. I want to do this for you. We can do it, together. We’ll get ourselves all healthy, but I won’t eat cauliflower. I draw the line there.” _

_ “I promise I won’t ask you to eat that,” Kai said, wrapping his arms around the guitarist. “Now, are you going to show me what’s under this shirt?” _

_ Uruha giggled, reaching for the hem of his shirt.  _

_ Best birthday ever.  _

_ ****** _

_ “Uruha’s not coming today?” _

_ Kai looked up from the papers he’d been reading to find Reita standing in front of him, a cap covering his hair and a mask covering his face. He could tell from the sound of the bassist’s voice that he was worried about his best friend’s absence.  _

_ “No, he says his back is still killing him. I don’t know what he did but he had to have strained himself at some point. Of course, he refuses to see a doctor. I told him if he doesn’t feel better by Friday morning, I’m taking him to the hospital whether he likes it or not.” _

_ Reita nodded, setting his bag down on the end of the sofa. “Good. I called him yesterday and he sounded like a grumpy old man. Do whatever you gotta do.” _

_ That was the plan. He wasn’t going to voice his concerns yet but Kai was starting to worry about his boyfriend. It had been the better part of a week since Uruha had started complaining about his back hurting and it didn’t seem to be getting any better and now he’d missed two days of practice. Sure, he was usually an hour or so late but to miss them all together wasn’t normal for Uruha.  _

_ Friday morning came and, though Uruha had made it to practice the last two days, he was barely able to get out of bed. Kai helped him and made him get dressed and eat. “We’re going to the doctor today. I’m sorry to be pushy, but you have to agree that this isn’t getting any better.” He said, pushing a glass of orange juice across the kitchen island.  _

_ Uruha nodded, halfheartedly taking a bite of fried rice. “No, I won’t fight you this time. I’m too tired to argue. Thank you for taking care of me this past week. As soon as I get some medicines and feel better, I promise I’ll give you a break and clean and cook for a week.” _

_ Kai only chuckled. “You take care of enough, Ruha. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just focus on you getting better.” _

__

_ ****** _

_ Uruha had been called to go back to the hospital and no matter how hard he had argued that he wanted to go with the guitarist, Kai had been shut down. Apparently getting things ready for their next live was more important than accompanying him to the doctor. He didn’t think so, but if it made Uruha happy then he’d do it. Whatever the doctor told him, they could talk about it when he got home. He hadn’t expected his phone to start ringing in the middle of practice.  _

_ “Sorry guys, it’s Uruha. Let’s take a break.” He said, grabbing his phone from the floor beside him. The others wandered off, Aoi probably to get more coffee and Ruki to have a cigarette; Reita would follow wherever the vocalist went. Kai figured they were trying to give him privacy.  _

_ “Hey, Ruha, how did things go at the doctor’s office?” _

_ Uruha’s voice sounded off when he finally spoke. “I know it’s still early but...could you come home? I really need you to come home.”  _

_ Something in the way his boyfriend said those words left Kai on edge. Normally he would have asked what was going on and get more information before leaving practice, but every alarm bell in his mind was going off, telling him this was urgent. So instead he told Uruha he’d be there in twenty minutes and explained to the rest of his bandmates that he needed to go home. Even Reita, who always had some joke to make, only told him to give Uruha a hug for him. They felt it too then. Something was off and the very thought scared the hell out of him.  _

_ He made it home in record time and didn’t even bother grabbing his things from the car. That could wait. He found Uruha in the living room, sitting on the sofa. He was staring off at the wall but obviously not seeing anything. He didn’t even seem to notice that Kai had entered the room.  _

_ “Uruha? Hey, are you okay?” He asked, taking a seat next to him.  _

_ The guitarist slowly shook his head, his hand reaching out blindly towards him. Kai took his hand, holding it in both of his own. "I need to tell you something." _

_ "Is it about what happened at the doctor's?" _

_ Another nod. "They uh, they found growing masses on my lungs. It's what's causing the pain in my back, among other things." _

_ Kai felt his entire body going numb. He knew what this meant, he'd been through it with his grandma before she passed away, but he couldn't comprehend that this was happening to Uruha. Not to his sweet, loving boyfriend. He needed to focus back in. There was a chance that they'd caught it early enough and this was reversible.  _

_ "Lung cancer?" He kept his voice calm, steady. It wouldn't do any good to panic. He could deal with his emotions later. "Is that what they found? Is it manageable? What did the doctor say, Ruha?" _

_ "He said... it's growing quickly. That there was more this week than when they took the scans last week." He replied between deep breaths. "They need to run more tests to see how far it has spread. They're worried that the pain I've had in my shoulders and chest is from it spreading to bone but they won't know until the tests. I'm going back tomorrow to get it over with so I can find out what the next step is. Do you think you could take the day off and come with me? I...don't want the others to know. Not yet anyway." _

_ "I won't tell them until you're ready. Of course, I'll go with you tomorrow. I'll be here no matter what. We'll get this figured out." _

_ Uruha turned to him then, his arms slipping around his waist, and Kai leaned back so his boyfriend could lay on top of him. "Can we just stay here for a little while?" _

_ Kai nodded, burying his face into the guitarist's hair. Uruha was shaking in his arms but he wasn't going to say anything. The best thing he could do was hold him, at least for now. Because as terrified as he was, Kai knew this had to be a million times worse for Uruha. Things would be okay though. He had to believe that.  _

_ ******** _

_ "I'm sorry. The best we can do at this point is to make sure that he's comfortable." _

Hands grabbed at his arms as the house lights went out and Kai felt himself being pulled to his feet. 

"Come on buddy. Let's get backstage." He heard Reita's voice next to his ear and his heart clenched painfully. He was acting selfish, wasn't he?

"Here, drink this." Aoi handed him a bottle of water but he couldn't even open it. Somehow he made it into a chair before his legs gave out. 

It had been a month since the doctor had said those words to him and he still couldn't hold himself together. Kai looked up to see his bandmate's worried faces but focused on Reita. 

"Rei, I'm so sorry. I know I'm not the only one who lost him. I know you all are hurting too. It just...won't stop hurting." 

Reita knelt down in front of him. “Don’t apologize. You’re right. We all lost him. I lost my best friend and trust me, it still hurts, but you lost your soulmate. No one expects you to be okay. I think this show was premature. This show was supposed to be in his memory but I don’t think any of us were ready. We’ll let the managers explain to the fans why we left early. Let’s get out of here. Why don’t you come and stay with me tonight? I don’t think you should be alone.”

Kai nodded his head. The ride to Reita’s apartment felt like a dream he couldn’t wake up from. He was taken inside, he changed his clothes and got ready to bed but all of it was done on autopilot. 

“Kai? Come on, you look exhausted. Let’s get you to bed.” Reita took his arm and led him to the spare bedroom. About the time he had laid down and pulled the blankets up, he heard a knock on the apartment door and somehow knew it was Ruki. He was no doubt coming to comfort Reita but hadn’t wanted to make Kai feel any worse. Kai didn’t begrudge them their happiness. They loved one another and he was truly happy for them, but he was also thankful that they were being sensitive to his feelings. 

Tomorrow would be another day; another fight to keep the ragged pieces of his heart together, but tonight he would sleep. Sheer exhaustion had him falling asleep much faster than he’d thought possible. At first, his mind was blank and honestly, that was favorable to the nightmares he’d been having, but after some time he heard a sweet voice calling to him and felt slim arms slip around his waist. Beautiful, dark eyes so full of life held his gaze as plush lips curled into a smile. Kai felt tears slipping down his cheeks.

_ “Don’t cry, my love. I’m here. I’m always here with you.”  _

  
  



End file.
